Monday blues with a splash of Red

I woke up a little on the down side this morning and was feeling the loss of my sister. It started this weekend, when I came across Mary's Life Story that she had sent me, just months before she passed. I read it and even drafted a blog about it, but chose not to publish it. My sweet lil Mary, struggled so bad in the end. She wanted so much to be happy again. Oh how she deserved it.... she was so good. She was always helping and encouraging even when her life was crumbling around her. Such an inspiration she was.

It was a rainy morning and it took all my might to get out of bed. I hate feeling this way but know it's a part of life. In an attempt to lighten my mood and ask for help, I started to say the Serenity Prayer over & over in my head. I do this alot on my way to the train and it usually helps. I must have said it three times. Nothing. Nothing was lifting my mood. As I left my apartment complex I heard the familiar chirp of my cardinal. I looked in my rear view mirror in hopes for a glimpse of red, but saw nothing. I must have missed her. I continued on my ride ~ off to work I go. I figured it was just "going to be one of those days"...... then all of a sudden a flash of bright red flew in front of my car, flying slow enough for my sleepy eyes to see. I knew right then and there it was a special visit just for me........ to cheer me up! hmmmm, something Mary would do!

Worrying....

I've been trying to figure out why I haven't felt "at peace" lately. It's like I fell off my spiritual cloud. Then I disected my thoughts and feelings from the recent times that have taken me away from my spiritual connection and realized I'd been worrying more than usual. I'm not sure why, but I have.

Worrying takes me away from living in the moment and feeling grateful for all that I have, all that I am and all that is! Don't get me wrong, worry in small doses is healthy, it shows we care about someone or something enough to consume our minds. It's when it becomes a fear that it denies us the inner peace that fulfills us. I need to take a moment (sometimes several in a day now) to "Let Go and Let God". That's exactly what it is. I am in His hands and it is His will that I will allow. I will just keep doing what I've been doing, "The next right thing" in every choice I make.

"Worrying is a sin, it's like telling God you don't trust Him" ~ author unknown

Good Times

So many good times to remember..... Hanging out in Houston - introducing Chad to my family back in 1994. Mary & David came in town and joined us for breakfast at Denny's. Life seemed so easy and so carefree these days. We all look so cozy together.

I'm posting pictures to remember!

I've been missing Mary so much lately. I can't believe it's been 2 years and 27 days. When she passed away, I came back to my job that kept my mind and days busy with the responsibilities of opening a new building in NYC. Then I had a wedding to plan and look forward to. These things have helped keep me positive and focused on good things that life has for me. All wonderful things! I'm busier than ever with work now, but am finding that I have a little more time to miss my Mary. I wish I could hug her again, I wish I could hear her sweet little voice again or receive a sticker filled letter from her telling me how much she loves me and how I'm her best friend.

I am so grateful for the time I had with her and am so grateful for my memories. I'm grateful most of all for her children that bring her back to me... I love them more than I can say. When I think of them my heart fills up with love. I count down the days to our visit this summer! Good times to come!

Dad's Muskateers

I remember these days above when dad would come visit us in San Antonio and we would go to Motel 6 (aka: the Siesta) for the weekend.... those days were short but so so sweet. We treasured those moments we got with our dad. Oh how we missed him when he wasn't there.

Here we are in Houston in my Beverly Palms apartment back in 1992. Dad was there too! Always taking picture of his kids. His 3 muskateers!

This post is in honor of you dad... thank you for your love that bound us all together!

My Lil Sis

Every day I think of you Mary...

Everyday I miss you!

You were my sweet lil sis and always will be!

I wish I could go back in time and cherish our days together more than I did when we were kids. I do now and I'm grateful for my memories. You taught me more than you know and I looked up to you even more. I was so proud of you! Always!!

We were so different, but so alike.... just right! Hairy Mary & Skinny Jeni ~ hehe!

Sisters by chance and best friends by choice!

I love you with all my heart Mary Emma!